Meatmass – A Celebration of Meat

There is really only one bad thing about eating to your local, high-end steakhouse: all the other people cramming up the restaurant around you! These places are super popular because of their amazing product, but that means long lines and slow service on weekends. Lucky for us, the Catholic church came to the rescue with a solution. For six weeks every year, you can take your family to your favorite meatery on Friday night without having to fight the crowds. (Meatery? That’s a meat-eatery!)

So what is, “Meatmass?” Meatmass is the celebration of meat! It is celebrated on the first Friday of Lent each year. It is observed by anyone and everyone who loves meat. Catholics are not excluded from our celebration, but only if they are willing to sin a little bit. We do this for very much the same reason that any group celebrates and observes a holiday: inclusion and celebration among ourselves. The rules are simple, gorge yourself on an unhealthy portion of beef. You can do this by yourself, with your significant other, or if you’re so daring, you could even host a Meatmass party. I sure will be!

As a non-Catholic, I have absolutely no qualms with Lent or Catholicism. As a matter of fact, being that we’re a day drive from the ocean, I think it’s simply fantastic to have such easy access to fresh fish. Normally, I don’t have much trust in Pittsburgh seafood, but thanks to Lent, massive amounts of fresh, delicious fish are imported every Friday. Believe me, I plan on enjoying plenty of fish sandwiches between now and Easter.

Just because Meatmass falls on the first Friday doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate for the entire six weeks. For the duration of Lent, I have pretty much the same routine every Friday: delectable fish sandwich for lunch; mouth-watering, savory filet mignon or porterhouse steak for dinner. With the crowds gone from my favorite meateries, I’ll finally get to enjoy all of their meat to myself. I have even contemplated sending the Catholic church a thank you card, but this blog will have to suffice.

Merry Meatmass!

Meatmass falls on Friday, February 15 this year.


  1. You are hysterical. Certainly, a wonderful legacy of the Catholic Church is the Friday Fish Fry, and it makes all those ashen brows and faux Confessional sins of mine worth it. Admittedly, growing up, I wish my parents had taken us out for fish ‘n’ chips rather than going for creamed cod at home, but as I ventured into the world on my own and discovered the wonders of greasy newspaper wrapped delicacies, the excesses of the Inquisition receded in significance when looked at in the proper perspective, a perspective viewed over a mound of steaming potatoes soaked in malt vinegar (everything looks better when malt vinegar is generously applied).

    However, James, for your gustatory celebration to work, one must be in a region of the United States steeped to the gills in Roman Catholic tradition. Growing up in Western New York, I assumed the whole world observed and reveled in meatless Fridays even after WWII. Alas, when we moved to Northern Virginia near the close of the last century and attempted to catch an easy dinner-out while unpacking that first week, we were quickly frustrated in our attempts to catch a fish fry by the dearth of Italians, Polish, and Irish in the region.

    I’m pretty sure Pittsburgh suffers no such malady based on your experience.

    Your piece shows me the multiverse is about to reLent and I can look forward to a new (beef)side to the 40 days following Mardi Gras with a toothy grin on my face and a fork and (steak)knife in my sinful hands.

    I’m adopting your Friday Menu. Thank you, James. The Meatmass Diet has arrived.
    Sin may not feel this good again!

  2. This is absolute hilarity. Well done, Sir!

  3. This is amazing. I always make sure I eat a much meat as possible on Ash Wednesday and Fridays.



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 796 other followers

%d bloggers like this: